So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
