it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
