I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you inspire me to be a worse person
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
