I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
