I've blown a few things in my day
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
