Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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