Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I bet he comes in French.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize