Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
