Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
