I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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