the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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