Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize