OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize