I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she looked like the before picture.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
