If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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