what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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