I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
