and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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