what day is it and did you see me today?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
