Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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