That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
