so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
