Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize