I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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