New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
