i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
