i permit you to call me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
