my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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