sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
