Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
