he was CRYING into my vagina
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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