im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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