Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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