She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pants are for mortals
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
