Duck Duck Cougar?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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