dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
