I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
