Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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