If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
