Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
