so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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