I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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