I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
