I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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