is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
nutella sex= disaster
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
