Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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