I wish I could teleport
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
