I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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