Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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