Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
