Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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