oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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