my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
