im about as happy as oj after his trial
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize