i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
