I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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