Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
