Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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