I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
