Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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