So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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