i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
