Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
