so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
