it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
