Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
