So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
